reasons

for not posting better blogs with writing. I have been extremely angry and emotional with everything that has been going on (mom's cancer, having to work while son is spending all my money in Florida, all the changes at work). Some of it is too personal and much of it is irrational. I know that. I cannot stand the waiting for my mom's genetic testing. I am trying to be positive, but need to prepare myself if she tests postive. Worst case scenario: I will have to get all the parts that define me as a woman removed. I hope to hell it is not genetic.

twelve inch

my answer would be 'yes'

this is for Matt!

It's uncensored!

I believe it was Matt

who remarked that this song represented my relationship with my parents.

yep, this too

as well as this...

and this...

figuratively speaking

If you cut open my heart, this is what you would find.

waiting...

Mom's breast cancer has me really stressed. She has surgery on 10/30, but her surgeon does not know if there will be enough skin to close the wound because of the previous radiation treatments. At least her ct scans were clear of any spreading of the cancer. Once they remove the tumors, we will know more info. Hopefully, she will not have to have chemo, because she is already refusing. I may have to 'persuade' her if it is recommended. Her genetic testing results should be available in November. I hate the waiting. I may have to have more surgeries if she has one of the bc genes. So might my sister.

I want it to be perfect

Although this Cure video does not have a lot of action, it has always been my favorite. I even had a shirt with a banner portion pic taken from it. The shirt has disappeared, but my love for this song and video has not.

ahh, the memories

I have been sharing many of my favorite songs and videos that I love. It has ended up a video history of me.

My story would not be complete without sharing the Cure. I saw them live twice in my life. I do not know all of their songs nor do I own all of their cds. (I think I am much closer now thanks to used cd stores.) In high school and the early college years, The Smiths may have been my soulmates, but The Cure were my long-term friend.

This was my favorite song.

secretly,

I absolutely loved this song & video. Ahh, Nikki Sixx...

my timing sucks,

it always has.

I will be alone again tonight...

I absolutely LOVE this song. (No pun intended.) Love was one of my dad's favorite groups. He had all of their albums. I wish I had this version, but I only have the original.

priest collar + whip marks =

gonna take my hips to a man who cares...

I still remember Renee asking me on the phone if I liked this song because she was going to make me a tape. (I still have the tape.) This was the beginning of a long-term love, adoration, and appreciation of Miss Polly Jean. Dry, Rid of Me, and 4-Track Demos continue to be three of my most favorite albums/cds of all times. She is my favorite female artist and in my top five artists overall. Her music helped me deal with a lot of bullshit and realize my strengths. I saw her live when I was pregnant with Adair (but didn't know it yet). It is funny because he can hum any of the songs from those three albums. (I love my boy.) I bought Rid of Me on cd before I purchased a cd player. To this day, I buy her cds when they come out no matter what. I never even saw this video. In fact, I do not remember seeing any of her videos until Down By the Water.

come out and find the one that you love...

Shana, take a, Shana take a bow! is what I imagined my birthday twin (ten years apart) singing. The Smiths were my favorite, favorite band for the longest time (pre-AFI). I could not possibly pick a favorite song. I know most of the words to all of their songs still. I used to be able to tell you album names with song order (and probably the year of release). I can tell you where the skips are on my taped versions (that I still have and listen to in my car). I never saw them live. I did not even own a t-shirt until this year. It never mattered because the music was everything.

obsessed.

tuesdays

I hate Tuesdays. They are nothing days. Monday is expected to be bad as it is the first day of the work week. Wednesday is hump day and has a silly name. Thursday is the day before Friday which is the last day of the work week and technically, the start of the weekend. Saturday is the first official day of the weekend. Sunday is the last day of the weekend where the last bit of freedom is expressed.

adair