Halfway There

Two & a half years done, two & a half to go!

Saw my oncologist today for a routine check-up. Appointments with the sixty-some-odd years old man causes complete anxiety in me because no matter how grandfatherly he is, he is my messenger of death. Each visit as I get another cancer-free report, he is friendlier and less guarded. This time he joked about me not having any new tattoos, (One would think he had never seen a tattooed young lady, but I guess he doesn't in his line of work.) but I assured him there would probably be a new one by the next visit. I also was not certain if he was playing with me because the last tattoos I received were my little 'love dots,' the markers for my radiation treatment. We also chatted about my sex life (actually, the lack of) and he seemed suprised, but pleased. It wasn't until the start of the physical exam that I realized I wore my bikini underwear with little snowmen all over them. Maybe I was excited that someone finally would see them. I swore I saw him smile when he saw a small portion of them as he checked my abdomen. I'll make a note to wear the plain white undies for the next visit.

I tend not to joke with Dr. C. because I am afraid I'll give him a heart attack. Maybe when I hit the three year mark, I'll ask him the question I desperately want (& have for a long time wanted) to ask him. It is safe to get my nipple pierced after being radiated? Hopefully it won't kill him.

I really am shy. It's my mind that isn't.

If you want to roll with me,

you need to wear your quad skates. No inline skates allowed.

It has been at least twelve or thirteen years since I have worn roller skates. The desire to be happy and healthy has brought back activities that were history to me. All of the things I really enjoyed when I was younger, I stopped doing for one reason or another. With skating, it was probably the shyness and self-conscious focus of the teenage girl that ended my love affair with skating. That and growing up and apart from my best friend and neighbors. (We made up skate routines after watching stupid movies like 'Roller Boogie' and then 'Xanadu.') I remember spending most of my childhood on skates. I even had the metal skates when I first started school. Later, I got the sneaker skates for Christmas and froze my ass off trying them out in the frigid Pennsylvania air in December. Rollerama was the cool hangout and where elementary girls and boys 'hooked' up. There were no sixth grade dances for me. It was trips to Rollerama & couple skates. I even celebrated a birthday at the rink.

On Saturday, I took my son skating at Skateland (or Skateworld). All the sights and sounds took me back to that time when I was confident, free, and wore those Sergio Valente's with the lavendar stitching. I was much more shaky than when I was younger, but I enjoyed it just as much. They had the fog, the colored lights, some of the same music, and even the Hokey Pokey. The only thing missing was the AC/DC. I will have to remember to request it next trip.

Sometimes we have to go to the past to move forward...

This seems to be one of my many themes for 2006.

1992

Each person I meet is a mirror - no cracks, completely whole - fresh
The more we talk - the mirror cracks and eventually breaks
a harsh word, a misunderstanding, anything regarded negative causes the deterioration
How is it the ones I love the most have the shattered mirrors?

This was the year I found my voice: naive, angry, sexual... It suprised everyone.
This was the snippet that my friends liked the most.

2006
This is the year I suprise everyone again.