11/09: code blue

My first round of chemo was scheduled for this date. My port was stilll healing and I was cranky because I could not shower due to the port procedure. A friend accompanied me to my first chemo which was alien to me as I had always driven myself to my other appointments four years ago. She and I laughed and joked about wigs from a cancer catalogue. I was anxious and tired, but I had been through this before and was not overly concerned. When they started the chemo, I felt okay. When the nurse increased the rate of the iv drip, I felt horrible. It was like what I imagined a painful death to be. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I sat up and then suddenly felt and heard things but had no control. I remember hearing "CRASH CART" and thinking "HELL NO!!!... NO! NO! NO!" I opened my eyes and saw the whole ICU staff surrounding my bed. Apparently, my blood pressure had plummeted to sixty over forty and I had lost consciousness. FUCK!