july

is the worst month for me. My annual mammogram and bloodwork take place. Anxiety embeds itself into me. I develop a Tourette's-like release. The possibility that my cancer may have returned stalks my mind at random places throughout the day. I absolutely HATE getting bloodwork now as they can only take blood from my left arm which is all scarred from chemotherapy treatments and the labs required prior to the treatments. The scars are not noticeable, but interfere once a lab tech attempts to extract my blood. Even my veins react and collapse upon insertion of the needle. Tears expel as I hold my breath while scar tissue is stretched and flattened. Pictures taken. I feel violated. Time seems to stop as I wait the two weeks for the results. Nothing makes me feel better until I get the good news. This year I have to wait until August 4th.