homesick

The smell of autumn is on my mind. I miss walking in the rain as the leaves change to hues of gold, red, and orange. The chill in the air makes it necessary to wear a sweatshirt or sweater. I never carried an umbrella. I loved the feeling of getting soaked and splashing in the puddles. The smell of wet dog as Thor (german shepherd) and I frolicked. He used to knock me over by running towards me at full speed and then throwing himself at my legs or the back of my knees. I never moved out of the way because I never cared about getting messy. I miss my long hair getting soaked and whipping others in a deadly windmill for play at college where I was hugged daily. I miss the smell of cigarettes and beer mixed with a certain masculinity and sweetness that always aroused me. I miss his arms around me and the shock when he first pressed his lips against my neck in a 'friendly' gesture. I miss the night when our lips finally touched and it was more than I ever imagined I deserved. I miss that night when I denied him because our friendship meant everything. I miss his bed that he described to me over the phone recently because I belong there. I miss the changing of the leaves because that is where he is, home.